8 days to christmas – calling birds

Written by: Tan Yi Ling (Chen Yiling) (23-A2)

Designed by: Lim Sher Min (23-E1)

and i miss you on a train, i miss you in the morning

i never know what to think about

i think about you

— The 1975, About You

it was the 17th of December.

as per normal, she woke up at five in the morning, got ready for work and left her apartment at five thirty. as per normal, she got her daily fix of hot vanilla latte at the 24-hour café on the way to the train station, and then boarded the first train of the day at six. as per normal, she sat at her favourite window seat, what she deemed as her comfort zone and safe space for scenery viewing, people watching, and pining. it seemed like any other day.

except it wasn’t.

“beep!” her phone screen lit up as her calendar app sent a notification straight to the top of her screen. she peered at the text. “another year of being together! <33” it felt like an arrow had pierced straight through her heart. bullseye. they were no longer together, yet she could never bring herself to delete their anniversary from her calendar. it was an everlasting, painful reminder that her heart could not, and would not, let it go. or rather, let him go. she leaned back in her seat as she let out a sigh, and turned her head to stare out the window, into the darkness and distance, as the moments and memories they once had came flooding back into her mind.

~

we cried and laughed

there’s no one else like you

— WeiBird, Red Scarf

they had met each other eight years ago in high school. on the first day of school, as she walked through the gates, she looked up at the school building towering over her, then looked down at the campus map on her phone, trying to figure out where exactly her classroom was. all of a sudden, “tchup tchup!” a blackbird chirped, fluttering its wings right in front of her face. caught by surprise, she involuntarily took a quick step back — only to trip over her own feet and lose not only her balance, but also her grip on her phone and books. her phone fell to the ground, while her books were scattered all over the floor, some half open, some wide open. the blackbird, scared by the whole commotion, flew away. some students side eyed her; others stared directly and pointed mockingly at her to their friends. she felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment, and she hurriedly got up and started to pick up her things.

“do you need any help?” a voice said, tinged with calmness and concern. she dared not look up, paranoid that someone had decided to approach her only so that they could get a clearer look at the clumsy fool she was. she said nothing and continued to pick up her books, bending her head even lower in shyness and shame. just as she was about to reach for her phone, another hand picked it up. she looked up.

“here you go, your phone. well, it looks like we have something in common.” he smiled.

“huh?” she tilted her head instinctively, confused.

“your lock screen wallpaper is from the movie Till We Meet Again. also known as Yue Lao, isn't it?” he tilted his head in response, grinning.

“ohhh right, ha ha...” she laughed, as she tucked her hair behind her ears, in an attempt to hide her shock. this was the first time ever that someone of her age had so quickly recognised the source of her wallpaper, her adoration, her inspiration. she tightened her grip on her books. “i love that movie a lot. are you also a fan of it?”

“of course!”

as fate would have it, that was not the only thing they shared in common. they were in the same form class, and by their teacher's unknowing ingenuity, assigned to be table partners. to top it all off, they were the only two people in their class — and the whole cohort — to be studying Chinese Literature, a subject widely thought of as niche by the student population. it was through these daily interactions that she observed and learnt a lot about him. he was studious and diligent, almost always coming prepared to classes with his pre-readings done and annotations neatly written on his papers. he had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, and a strong desire to read more, learn more, and write more, beyond what was asked of him. in him, she found a person who was very much passionate about the same things as her, and someone she could converse with freely and comfortably, without the fear of judgement or the need to restrain her thoughts and expression. before she knew it, she was starting to like him as more than just a friend.

unbeknownst to her for months, her feelings were reciprocated. on the evening of 17 December that very same year, they had gone on one of their usual walks by the beach near their school, after their study session in the school library. she was wearing his favourite brown coat — she already had her red scarf wrapped snugly around her neck, but he insisted it was getting chilly and that she would probably feel warmer with his coat on. she was more than glad to accept it. “that warms my heart too, hehe. thank you,” she smiled shyly.

they walked side by side in comfortable silence, watching the sun set and listening to the sound of the waves gently crashing on the shore, when he suddenly turned to her and said, “by the way...”

“mmm?”

he stopped in his tracks. “i think it’s time for me to tell you something.” he paused and looked at her cautiously. she gulped and nodded slowly. “go on...”

“i like you. a lot.” he said quickly, and averted his gaze.

“i-”

“you don’t have to give me an answer now!” he exclaimed, his eyes wide open. realising he had spoken a little too loudly, he lowered his gaze and added quietly, “if you don’t have one, that is... if you don’t feel the same way it’s fine too, i just...”

she took his hands in hers without a thought and they locked eyes. “no, no... i like you too. very very much.” she said, blushing, bliss and relief mixed in her voice. “i... i just didn’t dare to say it earlier because i thought maybe you only saw me as a friend. and if confessing to you meant i’d lose you forever, i’d rather not...” she looked down.

he gently interlocked his fingers with hers. “well, it looks like we have something in common again,” he teased, beaming. “hmph, of course...” she rolled her eyes and giggled. that was his favourite catchphrase.

they spent the rest of the walk holding hands, talking about how they felt towards each other, and about their pasts and futures. “you liked me first, didn’t you?” “no, you did! heheheh...” in the distance, a blackbird was perched on a tree, looking in their direction and nodding its head as it chirped.

~

“next station, Silverwood City. the train is approaching the end of service. all passengers are to alight. thank you.” she snapped back to reality. as she dwelled on the past, an hour had flown by, the sky had started brightening up, and she had reached her station to go to her office. she stood up, sighed and shook her head, hoping to put these memories at the back of her mind, and then alighted from the train and made her way to her office.

~

“dear passengers, due to a fault in the system, the train approaching Maple City will end its service at the next station, Aspen Town, for maintenance purposes. all passengers are to alight, and free bus services will be provided. we apologise for any inconvenience caused. thank you and have a pleasant evening.”

“huh, what's going on?” “the system's probably failing again, it's old after all...” “ugh, i just want to go home...” murmurs filled the train cabin instantaneously, as the passengers waited impatiently for the appearance of a train conductor, or further instructions to be given over the train announcement system. she said nothing, but edged closer to the window and glanced about at the view of her high school and the beach. she spotted groups of students walking out; some throwing their heads back as they laughed with their friends, happiness clearly written all over their faces. she could not help but smile, yet her heart was filled with a bittersweet feeling.

a while later, she and the rest of the passengers alighted from the train and walked out of the station. most of them made a beeline for the bus stop nearby, rushing to board the free buses to head to their next destination. she looked at the crowd, and looked back at the beach. coupled with the high school students who had just ended their classes for the day, the bus stop was noisy and chaotic, while the beach was quiet and peaceful.

“tchup tchup!” she heard a bird chirping and looked down. a blackbird hopped about near her feet. unlike eight years ago, she stood still and calm, and the bird tilted its head, looking back at her. it started to run in the direction of the beach, stopping and turning around when it sensed that she was not following along. was this a sign from the universe? “tchup tchup tchup!” a small flap of the wings. sensing the blackbird’s eagerness (or impatience) and listening to her instincts, she followed the bird and headed towards the beach.

it had been a while since she last visited the beach, but it still looked largely the same as before. she glimpsed at the setting sun and felt the natural warmth it provided, and listened to the sound of the waves gently crashing against the shore, as she walked down the path that had been so familiar to her back in her high school days, with the bird hopping in front and leading the way. at some point, she started to hear the sound of another blackbird chirping in the distance, and the bird in front of her also grew excited and started to chirp and pick up its pace. she turned her head quickly and looked around as she walked. where was the other blackbird? when she finally took a good look in the distance ahead, she spotted the source of the chirping — and a figure in a familiar brown coat, someone she had not seen for so long.

~

“... it’s been quite a while... how have you been?” he asked, fiddling with his fingers.

it’s been too long, she wanted to say, but hesitated, tugging at her red scarf around her neck. it had been about five years since they last spoke to each other. when they graduated from high school and went on to study at different universities, they had initially promised to keep in touch often and go on dates together once in a while. however, they became busier and busier, caught up with their heavier workloads and the rigour of academics. it began with them texting and meeting each other less often. soon enough, time flew by them, as days of little to no contact became weeks, then months — and then years. one would think of the other from time to time, and type out a text message, yet would not hit the “send” button, thinking they no longer had a place in the other’s heart. one would check the other’s social media accounts to see if there were any new updates and changes in their life, only to log out of their own account with a sense of emptiness, not knowing if the other was doing well in life.

“ummm… decent, i guess... and you?” she said slowly, eyeing him from head to toe. he had been slightly taller than her in high school, but he now looked even taller. she looked into his dark brown eyes. she had always found them pretty, especially when they shone when he was feeling happy or passionate about something. however, his eyes now had a tinge of sadness and weariness.

“so am i, i hope...” he chuckled awkwardly. a heavy silence filled the air.

“... so... what brings you here?”

“me? umm... let’s just say i had a bit of a tough time at work today... so i thought i’d come here for a walk. i was walking around there,” he pointed slowly at one of the pavilions in the distance, “when suddenly a blackbird flew down from a tree and chirped at me. i thought maybe it was sending some kind of a sign or a message so i just followed it... until i met you here. what about you?”

she pursed her lips, trying to mask her surprise. how could things have been so coincidental?

“the same... except it was because my train home had some kind of a system fault, so it had to stop at the station here.” she shifted her gaze to the two blackbirds, pecking at the ground next to them. “honestly, it’s quite a cute bird,” she added.

“you didn’t drop your things and fall down like how you did last time?” he responded teasingly. she thought she saw a smirk flicker across his face.

“no i didn’t!” she retorted with a small smile, and could not help but roll her eyes. at the very least, his sense of humour and love for poking fun at people had not faded.

~

they sat by the beach, and talked about their lives in the present — about how he continued to follow his passion for Chinese Literature as a junior researcher, about how she started delving into the translation industry, and about how the people and things around them have changed. the sky gradually faded from hues of pink and orange to purple and blue, and the full moon became more and more visible as the clouds parted.

“there's one thing that still hasn't changed though. at least for me.”

“mmm?” he looked curious.

she was scared, scared about how he would react and what would happen between the two of them in future.

but it was now or never.

“it's something i've had on my mind for a very long time. and i think if i don’t tell you now, i’ll regret it.”

“i have something to say too. but you go first,” he nodded, signalling at her to continue.

“i still love you. and i miss you... so much. i know we haven’t talked in so long, and we drifted so much ever since university started.” she bit her lip. “at times, i wanted to text you, or call you, to tell you about my day and ask you about yours. but... i didn’t know if you still saw me the same way anymore, or if you still needed me in your life.”

she continued. “i'm not sure if you feel this way too, and even if you don't, i... i'm just glad i got to see you today and talk to you. i'm glad you're doing fine, doing what you love and loving what you do. well, at least most of the time i guess...” her voice trailed off. she avoided his gaze, and stared at the blinking lights of one of the ships in the distance.

silence. the air was starting to get more chilly.

“you know… although i've always thought chasing my passions was important, the past few years i felt like i was missing something or someone important too.”

she froze. he looked at her. “all this while, i've felt the way as you.”

she instantly turned to face him, her eyes wide open in shock. how could this all be true?

he poured his heart out, and she listened. “there had always been this thought at the back of my mind, that we weren't truly over. for good. i always wondered, could we have been something more?”

“and so, now that we've met each other again and you feel the same way too... would you be willing to give me, and us, a chance again?”

“yes,” she choked, “a thousand times, yes,” she managed, overcome with emotion and holding back tears of joy. he gave her a hug, and she took comfort in that familiar, warm embrace of his.

they felt snow falling from the sky. it was the first time this winter that it snowed. “it's the first snow!” she exclaimed to him. “make a wish, if you make a wish during the first snow then it’s bound to come true!” he smiled at her, and the both of them made a wish silently, in their hearts, though they both knew what the other person had wished for — to be together forever, and never to be separated again.

~

and isn’t it just so pretty to think

all along there was some

invisible string

tying you to me?

— Taylor Swift, invisible string four blackbirds were perched on a nearby tree, as the snow fell and the long-lost lovers left the sand and sea behind them, their hands interlocked. having completed their mission of uniting and reuniting the two people destined to be together, the four calling birds of the past and present flew off into the distance.