kaleidoscope: slices of life - Safia

Written by: Murugan Rakshita (21-E1)

Trigger Warning: This story contains mention of epilep$y, ment@l illness, $ui¢ide and euth@n@si@. Read at your own discretion. 

Doth land upon me, Little

Vagabonds of joy, 

O’ Wanderers of the Eternal—Guardians

of Gaea

I barge into the room to find Safia staring out of the window. She shudders at my arrival and pulls a woolen blanket over herself. Holding the sides of my robe diligently, I walk towards her in quiet steps, and run my fingers imperceptibly over her face. Her expression sours and eyes well. 

Her wistful face haunts me. It burns every cell of my body.

“My baby, it’s alright, mama is by your side!” I cried, my soul bleeding in raging agony. Wrapping my hands over her face, I plant a kiss on her forehead. My knees wobble, and I fall to the ground. 

Creations of the Cosmos

Narrate to me stories! — Legacies

Of the Lands—Songs of the Earth

Chants of the Birds

Your abode, my heaven

The rustle of leaves    

Whisper joy into my ears—They,

Erase away all my fears.

A year ago I found my little Safia curled up in the corner of her room, with tears streaming down her face. Anguished eyes, swollen cheeks. She hunched her shoulders and clutched a blade to her chest. She muttered anxiously, “Mama, I see them.”

Was it the work of demons? Was it some form of Black spell, haunting my child? I sought answers. I searched for renowned places of worship. I put my child through an ordeal. I entrusted a stranger, he tortured my little one. I watched her writhing in pain, her screams reverberate through my ears to this day. No, it was not a spirit. 

Spirits do not exist. 

Countless apologies, but I will not forgive myself.

Tell me, fluttering entities!

Do you see the Pegasus

Seated atop a bed of magnolia 

Drowned in Tears 

That charge mother Earth—Like 

Thousand Arrows

They pierce upon the soft mud

The dewdrops sing—They sound like

Clatters of pearls—

Music of Temple bells—Upon Hearing it, 

My heart swells.

I brought my little Safia to a clinic. The doctor said she suffered from an illness — related to the mind, of some sort. I did not exactly understand what it meant, but I noted his prescription into my mind. I sent my Safia to therapy.

My darling, 

My Bundle of Joy

The day I held you, it’s

Etched in my mind 

Like a sapling that anchors

Its tiny roots into slippery 

Earthen soil

My love for you wraps its

Warm clutches over my Heart

It is the rain that nourishes Earth—Similar to

the timely ruptures that strengthen our Love

“Mama, I see things.” 

Safia was only thirteen when she complained of seeing things. I neglected it, refusing to believe her words. My heart languishes at the thought of my foolery. 

“It’s just a phase, Safia,” I had assured her with my blind beliefs.

What Sorrow 

Do you hide in your heart,

That you cannot utter

That you cannot tell

This sorry mother?

Do not suffer in silence, O’

Dearest one

She is here to protect you

To embrace you 

In her warm arms

To coddle you 

Onto her soft bosom

Nearest to her heart, Your 

Safe home.

My Safia was shivering, shaking. She collapsed to the ground, the doctors held her. She screamed, she sunk her nails and scratched her torso. Her body was frail and malnourished. Her beady eyes now bulged in horror and grief. 

“We can treat her, but only if you give consent,” they said. 

Anything for my Safia.

“But-” they stammered, “should there arise any unforeseen circumstances, we shall not account for it.”

The more destructive the monsoon winds, 

The brighter the rainbow that glows after.

Misery is impermanent.

Flowers bloom

Happiness sprout

Diamonds rain

Moon smiles. 

Beauty recreates itself. 

But my Safia, she was special. 

The star’s glimmer is resplendent, as is her radiance; tis eternal. 

Her last words echo through the empty vessels of my soul. 

“Mama, I love you.”

DISCLAIMER: The story is written for story-telling purposes ONLY and does NOT endorse any notion, except that mental illness is real and thriving, and proper treatment should be duly followed.